VISION OF THE PAST AND PRESENT

As I started thinking about the exercise, I tried to remember the memories but I couldn’t because during time I tend to lose my memories and thoughts so by the end of this exercise, I developed my memories. I pressured my thoughts and the only memories I could thought about were happy memories so I realized it is so important to keep these feelings alive. It didn’t matter whether they were alone, with someone particular or with a group of people. But as the memories parted in 3 Solitude, Intimacy and Congregation they were clearer.

After started sketching about the place I felt the most solitude I couldn’t think of anything else but me and my body involving with the nature. The past lockdown days has been very tough for my thoughts and during that period all my senses started going numb and I felt lost. But then I started visiting this place alone where I felt like myself. I also went with my friends few times but I didn’t feel solitude and realized to feel solitude I must go alone.

Solitude

But I didn’t feel the intimacy in that so I started thinking why couldn’t I feel the solitude and intimacy at the same place? I started searching for the answer but I came up with none but I had these feelings where I could tell I cannot find intimacy and solitude in the same place. I feel solitude is more personal and more about myself. And intimacy is about the place where I felt safer and happier and not alone for that I could only think of one place Udaipur which is very close to my heart.

Intimacy

While started sketching the congregation place, I realized during lockdown I felt the importance of family and that’s why the memory that came into my mind was us whole family seating together in a peaceful place. So, I sketched the memory that happened all the time during last 1.5 years. In the start whoever was free used to seat on this jhula in our parking but then it became our favourite thing to sit together and talk about all the stuff that’s happening in each of our lives.

Lastly for the observation of the places I started to connect it with the memories that in Ahmedabad I feel most solitude, intimacy and congregation. And I went back to those places and realized it hasn’t change anything its all the same feelings that I used to get before going home so I made their sketches. The plan sections of that allowed me to see the space in more detail.

Most of the time I feel anger, get irritate a lot and get anxiety. Sometimes I feel so much loved or very lonely there are mixed feelings that I cannot compete my mind with but every day I try my best to give space to my own self however hard it gets. Sometimes I think I have to figure out everything all at once or sometimes. I feel like some days I am amazing, other days I am wreck but every day I try to be myself. Through various expression my feeling about the world how I connect with it is shown in this collage.

Collage referring to my body and world around me.

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